A Jagged Whole: Imperfect Shards
by Thessian Shadow
Summary: Follow Matriarchs Lidanya and Irissa three centuries before the events of 2183. What drew them together and nearly tore them apart? First of four stories in this series.
1. A Question of Wrong and Right

**A Jagged Whole: Imperfect Shards  
**_Chapter One: A Question of Wrong and Right_

**A/N:** Right, so now that "When All Was Lost" is done, I figure I'll keep my wits about me and keep working. This is the first in the "Jagged Whole" series. It follows the story of the Ascension's CO, Matriarch Lidanya, and the council alternate, Matriarch Irissa. I figure I'd give these seemingly invisible characters a past, so here goes :) Enjoy, and as always, flaming criticism is welcome. If there is any confusion on anything, let me know so I can clarify :)

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Shadows crept across the walls and ceiling as the sun hung low behind the cityscape that was Serrice. Parnitha bathed Thessia's skies in a smooth orange that faded into reds and purples with passing clouds. Normally, it would have been breathtaking to see from a distance, but there were things more urgent to deal with.

Two notices of deployment were displayed on separate datapads. One bore her name and the other, her bondmate's. Issued on the same day, they had the same signature at the bottom, indicated the same squadron, and both had the destination listed as "Currently Unavailable". It was hard to say which piece of information bothered her more. Having stared at them for the last hour intermittently, while she had been making calls, the purple-skinned commando frowned deeply as her dark eyes landed on the datapads again.

Having received both notices a week ago, she had spent that time searching for more information. Why had they called them both at the same time and for the same squadron? Why was there no news on where they were going or what they were meant to do? Nothing had been marked as classified. Every call that she had made had left her with no answers and a growing frustration. Shaking her head as she placed one last call, she sighed when there was no response. Settling for a message instead, she heard the nearest door that led outside open. Looking over her shoulder, she saw the two young asari enter and pause momentarily in the doorway to the study.

"You coming, Dad?"

"Yeah, be out in a minute." Turning to face them for a moment, she crossed her arms. "You two need a lot of practice if you think you'll beat me."

"Bring it on!" When they headed back out the door, the commando smiled in earnest. Those two girls were the only things in her life that kept her positive these days. With the door closing again, she returned to the terminal.

_I'm out of options. That assignment I mentioned the other day is still too vague. Hit up my contacts, and Alana is looking into it on her end, but so far there's nothing. You mentioned that you might have a means to get some answers. If you can, let me know. I'll owe you one._

_-Lidanya_

Seeing the message clear her outbox, she stood and headed for the door. Looking outside, she saw the two younger asari, her daughters, playing biotiball. Adept at controlling their biotics, both moved with precision. Both Selyna and Alestia were athletic, and they had a friendly competitive nature with each other and with her when it came to biotiball. Stepping outside, the commando blinked rapidly while her eyes adjusted to the brightness, but when they did, she used a pull field to seize the ball. "You two ready for this?"

"Yeah!" Both said this as they faced their father. Selyna, the eldest, went on. "Was that Mom?"

"No." Having not mentioned the upcoming deployment to them at all, Lidanya used her biotics to casually move the ball around. "I'll probably hear from her tonight."

"She's been up there for two months." Saying this casually, Alestia backed off and assumed a defensive position, while Selyna took an offensive one. "You'd think they'd run out of stuff for her to do."

"Unless the rumor is true; that they drown you in paperwork when you become a commando." The sarcasm in Selyna's voice made her father laugh.

"Well, they do drown you in paperwork, but they usually give you a warning first... or a shovel." Stepping forward, Lidanya sent the ball straight up into the air. "Heads up!"

The game, while a welcome distraction, didn't last forever, and when the sun sank too low to offer sufficient light, they had to call it a tie. Both girls had teamed up against their father in hopes of beating her, and they had come close. The only reason Lidanya managed the tie was because she had advanced optics from her early days in commando training. Watching the two girls heading back into the house, celebrating their near victory, Lidanya allowed herself a half smile. It had been too long since they had let loose and had fun like this, but there was still something missing. Usually, Alana was here, Selyna and Alestia would choose sides, and it would be an even two on two. The thought caused that half smile to ease back into a frown before she forced a neutral expression.

Re-entering the house herself, the commando heard what sounded like a call coming in from a comm terminal. Heading into the office again, she answered it with a simple tap of her hand on the console. Sitting down at the desk, she saw the holo projection clarify, revealing a teal-skinned asari with dark blue markings. Wearing a science uniform, she looked rather tired; posture reflecting it as she leaned to one side In her chair.

"Evening, Alana."

"It's been one of those days." Skipping the introduction, the asari looked her bondmate over with a curious expression. "What have you been doing?"

"Almost losing to your daughters in a game of Biotiball." This brought a rare smile to her bondmate's face, which Lidanya was thankful for.

"They team up against you?"

"Yeah, because you weren't here to talk them out of it." The triumphant smirk that graced Alana's lips had the commando concerned slightly. "Glad that amuses you."

"I have more influence over them than you do?" Questioning in a slight sarcastic manner, Alana didn't wait for a response. "Strange, seeing as I'm not the one home all the time."

"It was a joke." Deciding to move on to another subject while the girls were out of earshot, Lidanya leaned forward slightly. "I'm running out of options here, Alana. For the last week, I've been looking into this deployment, and so far, I've got nothing."

"I've been speaking with people here all day, and they know nothing; or at least there's nothing that they want to talk about."

"So basically, you're hitting a brick wall like I did." Leaning back again, Lidanya grimaced as her spine popped. "I've got one angle I haven't worked yet, and I'm waiting for a response."

"They can't seriously think of doing this-"

"Calm down, Alana." The words were a constant that seemed to be on the edge of her tongue most days now. "I'll see what I can do, but I don't have much pull with them right now; you're the one that's been on base for the last few months…"

"You know how to get them to listen." Her bondmate's tone laced with desperation, her face showed the same in the holo projection. "We've never left them before. Why the hell would they schedule us both for deployment at the same time; and to the same place, no less?"

"Your guess is as good as mine-"

"Damnit, got to go. I'll call later tonight. Don't tell them yet." The teal-skinned asari glanced over her shoulder as another passed by. "I'll see what I can do from here, as well. No promises."

"Alright. Take care out there, Alana."

"Always. Tell them I love them, Lidanya." The holo of Alana disappeared with a small "click" as the terminal's connection was severed. This left the room dark and painfully silent. It had been like this the last two months, and there were far too many questions that needed answered. Rising from her place near the window, Lidanya faced the setting sun. Living in a suburb of Serrice, there was a good view of the city, and that could sometimes distract her from the issues at hand.

Alana had been stationed at an outpost within Thessia's orbit. Holding position, the station had been one of the newer planetary defense measures that had been ordered after the Krogan rebellions. Now, it was just another place for naval personnel to be sent for their evaluations and for general military business. She was there now doing evaluations of younger recruits and commandos that had been out in the field dealing with merc activity on the Terminus borders. Unfortunately, two months was bordering too long, and both knew it. Hearing her omni tool chime, the commando looked down as it activated. The message that flashed across the display got her attention.

"Meet me outside."

Turning on her heel, she left the home office she had spent most of the day in and made for the first floor landing. The four bedroom home had been set up as a split level with the bedrooms and a lounge upstairs with everything else on the lower level. Approaching the smoked glass door that led out to the landing, Lidanya didn't even have to bother with her omni tool. The door parted and opened, recognizing her ID, and she stepped out into the cool autumn air. Noting the extra skycar parked ahead, she cast her eyes around the wide landing and found a familiar figure admiring a dwarf tree that was starting to bloom. Deciding to speak, rather than clearing her throat, the commando approached.

"Find that interesting, do you?"

"I know where it came from." The amusement in the newcomer's tone made the first traces of a smile work their way onto Lidanya's lips. "I'm impressed. You've had this for quite some time."

"It's a reminder." Stepping just behind the other asari, the commando eyed the dwarf tree. When in bloom, it was full of blue and indigo blossoms that would feed off of the bitter winter temperatures. The full-scale version of the tree was an even more impressive sight. Branches hanging low, almost in the style of a willow tree, it grew tall and full when in bloom. "First time I saw one of those trees in the mountains… Feels like a lifetime ago."

"You were an impulsive maiden then." Amusement still present, the other asari turned, blue eyes landing on Lidanya.

"You would know, Irissa."

"Indeed I would." A ghost of a smile reaching her lips, Irissa retrieved a datapad from one of the tables nearby. Transferring something from her omni tool to it, she nodded in satisfaction before passing it along. "You requested information on your next assignment?"

"I did, and it was denied." Dark eyes scanning over the scrolling information and images, they widened when she reached a certain point. "How did you get this… And why send a shadow team to the Perseus Veil? We were still on good terms with the Quarians, last I checked."

"Keep reading."

"…Artificial intelligence…" Pausing for a moment to look up at the other asari, the commando frowned. "It was forbidden years ago… Unshackled AIs were executed on the Citadel…"

"That happened within the last century, yes." Looking out over the open space ahead, Irissa wore a tranquil expression. "I believe that is the reason that you are being sent on a shadow operation."

"Why would they send an asari squadron? Isn't this an issue for the Citadel fleet?" It made more sense to send someone that wasn't from a specific race, and Irissa seemed to agree. "You'd think the Turian peace-keeping forces would be all over this."

"From what I understand, they were originally. Apparently, the council assumed that it would be more intuitive to have this handled with discretion."

"Discretion." The bitter tone Lidanya used made Irissa look back at her with an understanding expression. "People will find out about this eventually. There's no way of keeping it quiet."

"I know."

"So, that's the big assignment, huh?" Finishing reading the contents on the datapad, Lidanya placed it back on the table before deciding to sit down in the chair nearest. "I don't like this… Artificial intelligence being "accidentally" created… What's next, another mass execution?"

"More than likely." Sitting opposite of the commando, Irissa looked thoughtful. "If these speculations are true, that is. Random ships picked up erratic transmissions coming from Rannoch's surface as they passed by, but there is nothing being said publicly."

"Imagine that hitting the news. VIs that Quarians created for practical slave labor turning into AIs due to excessive tweaking. To top it off, they are revolting."

"Not terribly unforeseen, is it?"

"No." Hearing laughter from the open window above, Lidanya shook her head. "They don't know yet, and I'm very tempted to tell them." Dropping her voice slightly, she went on. "They don't know much of anything that's been going on lately."

"Have things between you and Alana worsened?" Leaning forward and dropping her voice as well, the other asari's eyes were filled with concern. "I thought you two were attempting to work it out."

"We were, until this last assignment. Since she has been off-world, every conversation with her seems to be interpreted as hostile." Raising a hand to carefully massage her temples, Lidanya heard more laughter from above. "I thought things would get better after she returned from that one assignment in the Terminus. Her squad was sent to take down a branch of the Blood Pack that was starting to torment one of the asari colonies out there, and she wound up stranded for a week while reinforcements were sent."

"I remember reading the reports on that incident." Pulling up said reports on her omni tool, Irissa looked over them again. "Didn't she return with a head injury?"

"Yeah, a moderate one. She was paranoid when she got back here; always looking over her shoulder. She didn't sleep all that much either; that went on for the first few weeks."

"You don't think the injury had anything to do with that, do you?"

"I don't know." Tone more resigned, Lidanya let her head fall into her open palm. "The paranoia eased off, somewhat, but then everything we discussed turned into an argument. A few times, it got physical; thankfully when the girls weren't here-"

"A fight broke out between you two?" It was hard to imagine anything warranting that between those two. Irissa's concerned frown eased off a bit with Lidanya's next words.

"It didn't come to blows, or at least not with me." She hesitated slightly before speaking again; the events playing back in her mind. "I… I had to restrain her twice. Both times, she walked it off and we didn't talk for a day or so afterwards."

"You say Selyna and Alestia weren't home at the time?"

"They weren't, thankfully." Both women looked up and saw the backs of the girls' crests near the open window. "I know they're forty years old, but I don't want them to have to worry with this."

"They don't know that you two are arguing again, and they have no idea that you'll both be leaving for the Veil in two weeks." Irissa sounded almost skeptical. "You'd think they would at least figure out the former."

"They probably have, to be honest." It was a reluctant admission, but Lidanya had to agree with Irissa on that one. "They probably just don't know how to handle it. As for the Veil, I'm telling them tonight."

"Alana didn't want you to."

"No. I assume she was going to when she spoke with them next, but I'm not sure. Either way, they need to know."

"I couldn't agree more."

"So, aside from all this, how's your life going?" Deciding to lighten the mood a bit, the commando leaned back in her chair a bit, while still keeping a half-rigid posture. "Got to be more interesting than this."

"While still with the commandos officially, I'm being handled as a political attaché as of late, so it's hardly interesting."

"You're getting into politics now?" This caused Lidanya to laugh in earnest. "I never would have imagined that."

"There are times where I'd rather be doing ship maintenance…" Laughing at the idea herself, Irissa went on. "It has its benefits, however. How else do you think I found out about this?" Motioning to the datapad in reference to the mission to the Veil, she saw Lidanya nod. "I will easily admit that I did not want this. I was content with the Asari Navy."

"You did look pretty good in a commando uniform."

"You would know." It was an innocent sounding statement, but there was more to it, which Lidanya exploited.

"Would I?" The playful tone she used caused Irissa to lean forward again, interlacing her fingers as she did.

"Ah that's right, you weren't concentrating on the uniform." The smirk that formed on her lips made her blue eyes spark as she went on in a lower tone. "Too distracted thinking of being off-duty."

"Maybe." Leaning forward as well, purple-skinned hands surrounded Irissa's blue ones. "Those were probably some of my better years."

"Ah yes; going through daily routines aboard ships and maneuvering between the thin lines of protocol just to find more time to ourselves…" Irissa's gaze held more than a nostalgic memory. Looking as if they were stained with gold due to the setting sun that shone in them, Lidanya found she couldn't bring herself to look away.

"What ever happened to what we had?"

"I think some would call it hitting the matron stage," There was an uncertainty lacing Irissa's tone, and it too was reflected in her eyes. "But I cannot be sure…"

"Would you go back?" It was an impulsive question, and given the situation with Alana, the commando had no conscious idea as to why she posed it, but the answer she got set her heart ablaze.

"In an instant." Seeing the microscopic facial tick, Irissa redirected the question. "Would you?"

"I would." The admission was instantaneous, and Lidanya couldn't stop her thoughts from forming her words. "Even if only to relive it, I would." Hearing her omni tool chime again, she looked down. It was a notification of a call coming through. "Damnit. I'll be right back."

Seeing Irissa's nod, Lidanya rose and returned to the terminal in the office she had left earlier. Tapping the console to receive the call, she sat down and saw the holo of her bondmate appear again. Straightening her posture, she addressed the teal-skinned asari. "Alana? I didn't expect you to call this soon."

"They basically told us we still had several evaluations to do and that if we wanted a break, we'd better take it." Turning briefly to nod toward a passing coworker who handed her a datapad, Alana placed it somewhere out of the camera's view and faced Lidanya again. "I just found out that I'll be here until two days before we deploy, by the way."

"They were hoping to see you sooner…" Having heard both Selyna and Alestia mention that earlier in the day, Lidanya didn't look forward to the conversation she planned on having with them that night. "I found out a few details about that assignment."

"Any idea where and why?"

"Yeah." Lowering her voice as she saw a few people still in the background, Lidanya continued. "We're being sent to the Perseus Veil. There are some rumors that the Quarians took things too far with the Geth and we've been asked to do a sweep and investigate."

"So they've accidentally created an artificial intelligence… What does that have to do with us?"

"From what I hear, it's the council, not high command." Seeing Alana's eyes widen in recognition, Lidanya spoke again. "Bottom line, they want us for a shadow op."

"Who's your source?"

"Irissa."

"Ah yes," The minute bitterness that found its way into Alana's tone caused the other asari to frown. "The commando that sold her soul to become a politician."

"Really, Alana? Come on…"

"What did you have to do?" Brow furrowed at the slight glare she received, Lidanya kept her voice low and reasonably calm as she responded.

"I put in a request for the information a few days ago. We talked about this last night, if you'll recall."

"I know what we talked about last night." The shortness in which she spoke was a clear sign of her mood. Alana's light blue eyes returned to their usual sharpness as she went on. "They don't just give out information for nothing."

"What are you suggesting?" Keeping her voice down, Lidanya worked to keep her emotions down. She had hoped for one day, if not only one conversation, where they didn't wind up arguing.

"We both know that you two have a history-"

"Our history has nothing to do with this." Rising in volume slightly, the contempt filtered into the commando's tone. "That was years ago, Alana. What are you implying?"

"She's there now, isn't she?" Recognizing the familiar accusatory tone, Lidanya was prepared for it.

"Yeah, she is. I just found out about the assignment minutes before you called-"

"Then I'm not implying anything." Leaning back in her chair, Alana crossed her arms. "I'm gone two months and this happens?"

"What the hell?" Not bothering to keep her volume in check, Lidanya glared back at her bondmate. "Where is this coming from?"

"I'll leave you two. I have to get back to work-"

"No!" Leaning forward slightly, the commando's tone was sharp as she spoke. "You tell me where you're getting this. You've got some issues to work out if you think-"

"I'm not discussing your indiscretions here-"

"Your paranoia is out of control!" Slamming her hand against the steel desk, Lidanya didn't care about the resounding smack it made; the pain was momentary, but it faded.

"I am not paranoid!" Tone just as sharp, her voice was reduced to a forced whisper.

"Yeah you are," rising from the chair she had occupied, Lidanya saw the camera following her movement. "And if you can't figure out what's going on in your head, I'm done." Preparing to leave, she heard Alana's response.

"Don't turn your back on me-"

"I'm not going to fight it anymore." The slight break in Lidanya's speech as she faced Alana again didn't faze her; neither did her unreadable expression. "Figure out your own issues before you start inventing mine." Not waiting for a response, she turned on her heel and strode out of the room. Heading for the outer landing, she didn't even see the two asari by the stairs; both were wearing matching worried looks.

Three emotions raged within her like a vengeful storm; anger, indignation, and hurt. The last one took a moment to figure out, but it was only a matter of admitting it to herself that that was what she was feeling. The thought that Alana, her bondmate of just over two centuries, would accuse her of such a thing caused a growing pain in her chest. Stopping for a moment to press her hand against the cool glass of the door, the commando attempted to steel her emotions, but it was failing miserably. Meditation took too long, peaceful thoughts were non-existent, and she could just hear the connection between terminals breaking. This led her to simply give up on the attempt. Opening the door manually, she saw Irissa ending a call over her omni tool.

Cool air hitting her in brisk waves as she exited, Lidanya stepped forward and placed her palms flat on the smooth stone waist-high ledge that separated her from the drop down to the grass below. Focusing her gaze straight ahead, she felt her facial muscles twitch involuntarily and mentally swore. Clenching her jaw, she didn't hear anything but Alana's accusation repeating in her mind. A hand on her shoulder nearly made her jump, and when she turned, she couldn't help but feel her muscles relax slightly.

"I haven't seen you like this in ages." Regarding the commando with a worried expression, Irissa went on. "What happened?"

"It didn't go well…" It was all she could say while managing to keep her voice and emotions in check.

"Alana." It wasn't a question, and they both knew why. When Lidanya nodded slowly, Irissa closed her eyes momentarily. "What happened?"

"You won't believe it." Having half a mind to retake the chair she had left to answer that call, Lidanya realized she didn't want to put forth the effort to reach it. "She thinks I've gone behind her back with someone."

"She actually accused you of that?" The disbelief that registered with that statement was nothing compared to the commando's answer to Irissa's next question. "With whom?"

"Who do you think?" Having lowered her head momentarily, Lidanya looked back up and saw the expression Irissa wore. "I told her what you said about this assignment, and she starts questioning where I got the information. She referred to you as the commando that "sold her soul" to become a politician. Then, she asks me what I had to do, because "they don't give information out for nothing". I called her out on it, but it only made it worse."

"Please tell me you're joking." Shaking he head in continued disbelief, the other asari couldn't even process what Lidanya was saying. She had known them both for centuries, and this was far beyond anything she could have imagined. "I can't even think of a response appropriate for any of this…"

"You don't have to say anything." Raising a hand, Lidanya placed It on Irissa's shoulder. "She was way out of line. Hell, she even went on to say that we both knew that you and I had a history."

"Yes, we had a history, and that has no bearing on your getting this information-"

"-and somewhere in her head she knows that, but you wouldn't have guessed it by how she talked." The frustration that had built during her conversation with Alana returned momentarily, but Lidanya moved quickly to suppress it. "All of this is just… unreal."

"How do you feel about all of this?" The question had been at the forefront of her mind since she had seen the commando exit the house and make her way to where she stood currently. Knowing her as she did, Irissa could make a safe guess that Lidanya's mind was racing.

"I've fought this for nearly a year now… I've had to practically lie to our kids and tell them that she's getting back to normal, when she's really getting worse. Hell, I've had to restrain and keep her from using her biotics twice! What's to stop her from going off on them one day?" Lowering her head again, the commando felt her breath hitch in her throat, but she hid it well. Chest muscles tightening again in response, she released the breath she had been holding. "I can't do this anymore…" Thinking on Irissa's question, she realized she hadn't really answered it directly. "How do I feel about it?" Leaving her left hand on Irissa's shoulder, the commando stepped closer, so that there was less than a foot between them. "She accused me of stepping out on her…" Extending her right arm so that it wrapped around Irissa's waist, Lidanya pulled her closer. "For the first time in over two centuries, I feel like proving her right."


	2. Past Revisited

**A Jagged Whole: Imperfect Shards**  
_Chapter Two: Past Revisited_

**A/N:** So here is chapter two. I'm working on 3 right now, and am not sure how long this story will be, but I plan on getting the entire series (four stories planned) out. Again, if there are any questions, by all means ask. I know what forms in my head can be confusing, so I'll clarify anything if needed. Enjoy!

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Bodies so close that the two could feel the other's breath pulsing against their skin, the two didn't move. Lidanya's words hung in the thin air between them, and both felt the strain of impulse wearing down on them. In one sense, it would be wise for both of them to walk away and leave their history where it was, but something kept the two from pulling back; over two centuries ago, they had been more than close.

Chest tightening with every passing second, Irissa didn't move; She couldn't consider taking advantage of this situation ethically, but she couldn't deny the pull she still felt toward this woman. Feeling the commando's hand move around her waist and glide up her back, she moved closer; back arching involuntarily with the slightest touch. Raising her head slightly to lock eyes with Lidanya again, she saw that same freedom that had been there centuries ago. It was a freedom that she had hoped for, almost had, and had willingly given up. Holding the commando's gaze, she couldn't bring herself to object when their lips met.

Feeling an instant reaction, Lidanya waited for the hesitation, but when it didn't come, she acted accordingly. Feeling the slight arch in the other asari's back, she pulled Irissa as close as possible. Deepening the kiss with a simple flick of her tongue against the politician's lips, the commando felt her own back hit the ledge behind her. Blue hands slowly traveled up her commando uniform and rested at the base of her neck. Pausing for a moment to take a breath, Irissa tilted her head slightly and kissed the commando again. There was a difference, however; continuing with the same intensity, she could feel Lidanya's subtle presence in her mind.

Each passing second led them further; a desire that had been dormant growing exponentially with every break for air. Only when both women were practically clinging to one another did they both take a step back. Irissa was the first to break the silence.

"I don't think I can do this again…" Resting her head on the commando's shoulder, she felt Lidanya's body tense at her words.

"Do what?" Voice somewhat low and rough, the commando placed a light kiss to Irissa's crest. This made the other asari shiver.

"I can't walk away from you again."

"Who said you had to?" Eyes glinting with a slight mischief that hadn't been there for years, the command's words were more or less an initation.

"And Alana? What of your commitment to her?" Hardly believing what she was hearing, Irissa didn't want to let herself go this far. "You still love her-"

"I loved who she used to be." Stating this bluntly, Lidanya wore a look of slight frustration. "Whoever she was before that last deployent to the Terminus is dead."

"Is she?" Stepping back slightly, Irissa eyed the commando carefully. "Or is that what you want to believe?"

"Let me show you something." Motioning for the other asari to follow, Lidanya led her back through the house and into the master bedoom that was on the upper level. Closing the door with a wave of her hand, she turned her back on Irissa momentarily. The next thing Irissa saw was the jacket of the casual commando uniform falling away to reveal toned but darkened skin on the other woman's shoulders and arms.

Irissa's eyes traveled from one side of the other woman's body to the other; imprints that resembled fingers wrapped around Lidanya's upper arms, curving toward her shoulders, and there were many solid dark patches of skin that were in varying stages of healing. Only when the commando turned to face her again, did Irissa see just how the thin undershirt hung off of what used to be a perfect frame. There were also more injuries like the ones she had just seen; fingernail scratches in various locations surrounding Lidanya's wrists and the bruises. Their owner's next words brought Irissa out of her thoughts and back to the topic at hand.

"Now tell me that the woman I fell for two centuries ago isn't dead."

"I…" Unable to keep from staring, Irissa took in every inch of the commando before her. "I had no idea…"

"Now, you're the only one that does." Shoulders slumping slightly as she let her posture drop, Lidanya turned to face the window. "I take it because I have to. What was I supposed to do, let her get out of control when they could have walked in on us at any second? I-"

"I'm not judging you." Stepping closer, Irissa stood just behind the commando; hand covering hers on the window sill. "It hasn't been easy for you at all, has it?"

"No." Lowering her head, Lidanya shook it hopelessly. "I thought that once she got back and dealt with whatever happened there, things would ease off and be as they should have been." Looking up again, Irissa saw the beginnings of a frown appear on her lips again "I did what I could on all fronts, and she's still as confrontational as ever."

"I wasn't just referring to this situation." Seeing the corners of Lidanya's dark eyes widen, Irissa got the response she expected. "You joined the commandos to escape such things as a maiden and now you're thankful that it keeps her away from you."

"I've never said that…"

"But you're thinking it." The brief moment of silence followed by the reluctant nod confirmed Irissa's suspicions. "I know you don't want to give up on her."

"I already have." Turning and keeping Irissa close, the commando looked to the door. "How do I continue telling them that everything is fine? How do I explain that the game of biotiball tonight took all of the spare energy I had? Hell, every time that ball came at me, I had to stifle a flinch."

"I noticed that some of those wounds were not old." Tracing one that went up Lidanya's arm, Irissa frowned at the dark skin. "This happened recently. When was the last time she was here?"

"You'll remember my saying that I had to restrain her last time…" The warmth of Irissa's touch easing the slight tension in her arm, Lidanya continued. "She was here just a few days ago. Selyna and Alestia were both in Serrice while she was here."

"And I assume that they don't know."

"No. I didn't feel the need to tell them that their mother came in to get a few things and argue with me to the point of restraint." The bitterness that slowly crept into Lidanya's tone didn't suit her. It was alien to the politician as she watched the commando's body language. "I can't keep it from them for much longer, though. She'll be coming home in just short of two weeks, and I may not be here all the time to stop her."

"Do you really think that she would-"

"I won't put anything past her now." Holding Irissa's gaze momentarily, Lidanya looked away. "I hate that I involved you in all this-"

"You shouldn't have to deal with it alone." Keeping the commando from pulling away, Irissa regarded her long-time friend and past lover again. Every detail was being burned into her brain, and the image she got was one that she hated to see. This wasn't the woman she knew; this was what was left of her.

"You shouldn't be caught in the crossfire either."

"I would rather it happen than not." Thinking on everything they ad dealt with over the years, Irissa had to let a little humor enter her tone. "I remember us standing up to your father when he was in a full-on blood rage."

"Yeah, we've both still probably got the scars to prove it." The amusement was welcome as Lidanya's shoulders shook with faint laughter.

"So I don't think this will be much more of a challenge."

"One can only hope…" Words fading as she heard something coming from Selyna's bedroom, Lidanya paused; hoping to hear what was being said.

"…_I've never heard them like that before… What do you think they'll do, Selyna?"_

"_I…"_ The elder of the two seemed to hesitate before she spoke again. _"I don't know. I haven't heard them argue so strongly either."_

"_Do you think what Mom said was true?"_

"_About Dad and Irissa? I doubt it."_ At this point, Lidanya shook her head hopelessly; they had heard everything. _"I mean… We've known Irissa for as long as I can remember. Would she and Dad cross that line… I don't think so."_

"_This is just too weird… I'm worried."_ Alestia's confession had her father clenching her teeth. _"I don't want them to break it off…"_

"_That or us being forced to choose sides…"_ Selyna's added comment was enough. Dropping back onto the edge of the bed, Lidanya's head fell into her open palm.

"Goddamnit, I hate this." The admission was spoken through clenched teeth, but there was no power behind the commando's words. Her voice was reduced to nothing short of a loud whisper. "They heard everything…"

"What is your next move?" Eyes still on the commando, Irissa could see the conflict raging within her.

"That's just it… I don't have one." Looking up, Lidanya met Irissa's gaze carefully. "I can't protect them from this, but I don't want to scare them with thoughts of our possible split up either." Thinking on it for a moment more, she rose again and replaced the uniform jacket. "Maybe when they hear about what started that argument, they might understand…"

"Perhaps." Seeing the other woman's posture going rigid, Irissa stopped her before she could leave. "I will advise you of one thing; don't go in there like a commando preparing to get her head bitten off by high command. They need their father."

"Thanks…" Shoulders dropping slightly, Lidanya nodded slowly. "Sometimes it's easier to think like a commando and not like their father."

"Fair enough. Commandos operate within a strict code of conduct and have procedure to follow."

"Yes, and there is no road map to being the perfect father." Preparing to leave, the commando had to allow herself a laugh at Irissa's next comment.

"Just don't follow your father's example and you should be fine."

Exiting the master bedroom, Lidanya crossed the short distance to her eldest daughter's bedroom. Carefully rapping her knuckles on the open door's frame, she watched as two sets of blue eyes landed on her. Seeing the two had been talking and looking over biotic studies, the commando couldn't stifle an almost thankful smile.

"Dad?" Selyna, who had apparently been using her biotics to lazily direct a small model of an asari frigate around the room, moved to stand but was stopped by her father's hand motion. "Something wrong?"

"That depends…" Thinking on her words as she went, Lidanya was torn. The lieutenant commander in her wanted to press on and get the conversation out of the way with as much blunt information as needed; the father in her wanted to scour her brain and find the easiest way to explain all of this without terrifying her daughters in the process. "I'm pretty sure you two heard that last call from your mother."

"It was a little hard not to…" Alestia, who was standing by the open window, spoke with a slight bluntness that seemed to be genetic, belonging to Lidanya herself. "You two were shouting at each other…"

"What exactly did you hear?" Thankful that the two didn't feel awkward discussing the apparently accidental eavesdrop earlier, the commando watched their expressions carefully. "I think there is a lot of explaining I need to do."

"Basically everything." Selyna frowned as she leaned forward and gave her father a level stare. "We heard that Irissa was here and that you two were talking about something. Then when Mom started in on you.. Well, I'll just say that hearing that was unavoidable."

"Fair enough." Deciding to start from the beginning, Lidanya leaned against the door frame in a more casual stance. "Your mother called earlier, right after the game, and we discussed something that has come up in the last week. She and I received notices of deployment."

"When and where are you going?" Frowning, Selyna retained her position as she said this, but Alestia chose to sit down in the chair closest to her sister at this news.

"We are being sent out on the same date to the same place." Seeing the two girls look to each other, the commando continued. "I wasn't sure where, though; that's where Irissa gets involved."

"Does she know where?" Selyna's question almost suggested that she already knew the answer.

"Somewhere around the Perseus Veil." Deciding on keeping the details from them, Lidanya went on to answer the next question that was forming in her daughters' minds. "We'll have to leave in two weeks."

"Two weeks?" Both girls' eyes widened at that announcement, and their father couldn't blame them. It was sudden, even for her. Alestia finished the collective thought while Selyna simply shook her head. "Is Mom even coming home before this?"

"She says she will a few days before we have to leave, yes."

"How is that going to work?" Crossing her arms, Selyna's eyes were almost boring into her father's. "You and Mom haven't exactly been on good terms over the last year."

"You've picked up on that, huh?" The commando had to frown as she realized they had both been more transparent than she had hoped. "We've been attempting to… coexist since she got back from that last ship out to the Terminus."

"Coexist is close to the word I was thinking."

"I really hate that you two are having to deal with this-"

"Dad, we're forty, not ten." Alestia chipped in with that comment, and it brought a little amusement to their father's features.

"I know." Choosing to sit opposite them in another chair, Lidanya elaborated. "I don't discuss it much, but having parents that are constantly at the other's throats will ruin a kid's childhood. I just didn't want that to happen with you two."

"You never talk about your parents." The younger sister said this with apprehension.

"With good reason." Leaning forward slightly, Lidanya went on. "They… they weren't the greatest. I don't want either of you to see what I did while growing up."

"You two are barely keeping in contact." Selyna paused momentarily as she looked for the right words to say. "It's like you're not bonded anymore."

"And I don't want it to be that way."

"How close were you and Irissa before you and Mom got together?"

"Close." The question came as no real surprise but the bluntness of it did. "At one point I would have seen this being our future then, but we both let our careers run away with us."

"We saw you two out there." That came as a slight shock. As the words left Selyna's lips, her father felt a creeping tension. Had they really seen that… "It looks more like that past is still current."

"Over the last months, I admit I've been thinking about it." Seeing the slightly worried look her girls gave each other, the commando went to explain. "You two know that things have been hectic for your mother and me. I won't say that justifies what happened out there, but it should explain it."

"Exactly how bad has it been between you and Mom?" Alestia's question hung in the air for a moment, making it all the more difficult to form an answer that would satisfy their curiosity. Eyes wandering to the open window, Lidanya searched the open sky for an answer but found nothing. She had to settle for the hard truth.

"Worse than you realize. Your mother and I have considered breaking it off a few times after heated arguments. Even now, she demands answers that I don't have." Now, her daughters were worried. "We have been attempting to work it out over the last two months, but with Alana being on an orbital station, it isn't anywhere near easy."

"So…" Selyna's voice was a bith cold as she posed her next question. "Are you going to walk it off or walk away?"

"Frnakly, that depends on your mother." Knowing that the conversation had gone from their issues to the assignment and back to her and Alana's crumbling partnership, Lidanya knew that there were two ways to take this: She could give them the straight up, cold, and hard facts or she could attempt to speak like a father and attempt to ease their concerns. Both ways were wrong. Mentally swearing, she decided on just letting the words come and the girls could take it for what it was. "I've seriously considered walking away from this; not you two, but I'm tired of fighting an up-hill battle and always losing. She has to make a choice to get help if she needs it or to fight for this. I've done about all the fighting I can over the last year." In the silence that followed, the commando felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up, she saw the grim expression Irissa wore. Rising, she questioned it. "What is it?"

"Call coming in for you." At Lidanya's curious expression, Irissa clarified. "It's her."

"Give me a reason." Frowning, the commando saw Irissa nod toward the two young asari behind her, and she grudgingly agreed. "You're right." Giving her daughters an apologetic look, she prepared to leave. "I'm sorry. That was the frustration and anger talking-"

"Like what happens with Mom, right?" Selyna's almost cutting response caused her father to strain to not come back with a remark. She turned on her heel and headed back down to the office where the terminal was chiming softly. When she was gone, Alestia addressed her sister.

"A little harsh, wasn't it?"

"It was the truth." Selyna's eyes hadn't left the spot where her father had been standing. "What else do we not know about this? It's bad enough that they're being shipped off in two weeks; now we know they can't stand to be anywhere near each other."

"There is a great deal that you do not know." Irissa's even tones had both pairs of eyes looking up at her. "There were things I did not know until today. Your father is keeping this from you to protect you."

"From what, the truth?" Even Alestia had to question this. Irissa simply nodded in response.

"The truth about what is really going on, yes."

"So what is going on that she feels like she has to shield us from?"

"The very thing that made her lie about her age and join the commandos early; she ran from something that started off small like this. Now it is happening again, and she is taking the harder path, which is to shield you both from as much of it as possible."

Meanwhile, Lidanya had rounded the corner and saw the terminal's holo display alight with the message that a call was coming in. Standing in front of it for a second longer, she tapped it to accept and stood back. As the image cleared, she could see her bondmate looking over her shoulder for a moment before the comm link stabilized. When it did, the two simply looked each other over in silence for a moment. Alana was the first to break it, however.

"I need to speak with you about something."

"Save It. There's nothing to discuss." The icy tone in which she spoke had the desired effect. Alana tilted her head slightly, but her expression was unreadable.

"You're angry."

"Damn right I'm angry." The admission was there. At first, Lidanya hadn't been sure if she was angry or simply shocked by the last conversation they had. "I tried not to be; was going to blow it off and just let it go, but the more I thought about it the more bitter and angry I became. The only real reason I'm standing here is because of those two girls upstairs. They heard everything, and they're asking questions."

"They what?" The near horror was a surprise as it crossed Alana's features. Lidanya hadn't expected it at all. "They heard… Goddess… What did you tell them?"

"Everything." Letting that sink in, Lidanya waited only a moment before continuing. "I told them about the ship out to the Perseus Veil, that we weren't really getting along, and that you would be home a few days before we leave. They did pose a question that I don't know the answer to, though." Leaning forward, Lidanya placed both palms on opposite sides of the terminal's keyboard as she leaned forward. "They're asking whether we are going to work it out or walk away. Frankly, I didn't know what to tell them."

"That was what I was calling about." Head falling into her palm momentarily, Alana looked exhausted and had a defeated tone when she spoke next. "I lost it earlier… Completely; I said things I shouldn't have, things I didn't mean-"

"You think?"

"Spare the sarcasm, alright?" The snap that resulted in Lidanya's comment wasn't completely unexpected. Alana shook her head hopelessly as she went on. "This isn't easy… Any of it."

"What are you saying to me?" Feeling as if she had to force Alana's hand to get her to talk was not the highlight of her night, but it was apparently working.

"I'm saying that I am terrified of losing you."

"What?" That nearly floored her. Here they had just had the worst verbal argument, and both seemed ready to toss in the towel and Alana had to say this. The anger that had fueled her cold tone earlier turned into a crippling tension that caused Lidanya to sink into the empty chair just behind her.

"You and our girls are all that keep my sanity from shattering." Looking up again, Alana's expression had changed from one of horror to mortified. "Everything is just mounting higher and higher. I can't keep going like this without worrying that everything that matters to me is going to crash down."

"Why didn't you say any of this before…"

You don't understand."

"No I don't-"

"I know you've been trying to, and I also know that patience is wearing thin." Cutting her bondmate off, Alana spoke in a quieter tone. "You've tried to get me to talk; to explain what's been going on, and I couldn't… I couldn't wrap my head around it either. I realize now that if I don't I will lose you, and our girls will be caught in the crossfire. That's why I'm coming home early."

"You're what…"

"I'll be leaving here in a few days. I'll be home at the beginning of next week. There are some things I need to get in order before all of this happens." When Lidanya said nothing, Alana finished her thought as a supervisor came 'round behind her. "I know what went through your mind after what I said, Lidanya. I want to save what we have and not let it destroy both of us. I've got to go. I'll see you in a few days."

"Alright." It was all she could say, faced with that omission. Alana seemed to understand, seeing as she nodded.

"I love you."

"…I love you too."

* * *

**A/N 2:** As a small clarification, "A Jagged Whole: From The Wreckage" will easily be rewritten. It was a quick write for a contest earlier last year, but it stands to be second in this series. I'll be expanding on it as well. For now, I plan on finishing this story and will remove the aforementioned one shortly. Thanks for reading!

Cheers!


	3. Temptation

**A Jagged Whole: Imperfect Shards  
**_Chapter Three: Temptation_

**A/N:** This one is a bit shorter than my usual. It's one of the perks of not having a game script to follow, eh? Anyway, thanks for following this, guys. It's been a pet project on the back burner for some time. Enjoy,and if any questions arise, feel free to ask. :)

* * *

Ten minutes had passed and she was still sitting there; Alana's words repeating in her head. They had gone from arguing to the point of calling it quits to this. She was coming home early. What Lidanya couldn't shake was the way she said it. There were some things she needed to get in order before "all of this happens". It sounded so final, and that was what worried her.

Rising from the chair slowly, there were still traces of stiffness. Straightening up slowly, the commando heard small popping sounds from her joints. It wasn't really a sign of age, or at least she didn't want to think so. Being just over 500, she still had half of her life ahead. With the present situation in mind it didn't seem that way, though. She crossed the distance to the door she had used to nearly get beaten by her daughters at Biotiball earlier, and as she opened it, the cooler wind hit her. It didn't do much for her still tense body, but the temperature was one she preferred.

She stood still; creating a weak biotic field to lift the ball they had discarded after the game. The good one was still in the house, but this one was usually always outside. Pulling it toward her, Lidanya focused on a distant point and sent it flying with a strong throw field. Letting it get just to the point where she would have to let it go, she pulled it back violently. This had been a test during her early days of commando training that she had used since to calm her nerves and focus her attention on something other than the matter at hand. Keeping her breathing even and eyes fixed on that same point ahead, her biotics remained stable; mass effect field flowing over her skin in even indigo hues. It wasn't enough. She could still hear the entire conversation echoing like a harsh whisper in her ear. Pulling the ball back with a harsh jerk, she placed it back down and re-entered the house.

Just inside the office, there stood a weapons vault. It was usually always locked to the point no one could get within it without her decryption key. This was the case tonight, and as she used her omni tool to open it, she could hear voices upstairs. Muffled to the point where she couldn't make the words out, she pulled open the larger weapons locker and retrieved a rifle. Closing it again, she left the lock as it was. As she exited the office again, she could make out a few things that were said.

_"…__Dad never seems to talk about them. From what I remember, she's never gone to see them either."_

_"__For the same reason you two have never met them."_ The topic seemed to be about her parents. Those two weren't worth killing, honestly. They knew she had two daughters from seeing them out, but Lidanya had made the decision years ago that they would never know them. Irissa's tone seemed to reflect that. _"They were terrible people to say the least."_

_"__You knew them?"_

_"__Unfortunately."_

At that point, the commando chose to step back out and expand the rifle she had retrieved. The M-98 Widow that she had used to become an advanced sniper had been kept in excellent shape. There were no nicks or scratches on its surface and the inside was just as intact. Pulling a thermal clip out from where she had pocketed it earlier, Lidanya loaded the rifle and modified it with shredder rounds. Keeping the safety on, she knelt and retrieved a hand full of target stones. Dense enough to withstand biotics hurling them through the air, they dissolved into white powder when shot with high impact rounds. Placing most of the stones on the ground, she removed the safety from the rifle and sent one flying with a heavy throw field. Aiming the rifle, she fired a shot.

For those still in the house, the shot sounded more like a sonic boom. Both young asari shot up from their positions, and Irissa turned on her heel sharply.

"Dad!" Both Selyna and Alestia's alarmed tone matched their expressions.

"Wait here." Normally calm and even, Irissa's voice was suddenly filled with authority. Heading downstairs quickly, she saw the weapons vault standing open and didn't want to assume the worst, but it was just in the back of her mind. Approaching the threshold that led out to the makeshift ball court, she didn't know what to expect, but as Irissa stepped out, she heard the rifle being reloaded and let out a slow breath she hadn't noticed she was holding.

The sky had taken on a deep plum color and was fading into black the further away from the sun she looked. It was damn near impossible to see straight up into the air, where Lidanya was aiming her rifle again, but time spent with the Armali Sniper Unit had proven to be useful. Advanced optics allowed her to see just where she was sending a targeting stone and shoot it with precision. After the second shot had finished ringing through the air, Irissa regarded the commando before her again. Lidanya's body was more relaxed, and it was silhouetted by the blue wisps of a biotic field. Looking almost like bioluminescent water, the field settled and flowed over her features; this kept the recoil of the heavy rifle from kicking like a well-angered varren. She reloaded, sent another stone flying through the air, and shot it before finally letting the field drop and collapsing the rifle. Releasing a breath, she turned to re-enter the house. Only then did she realize she had an audience.

"Impressive, as always."

"That first shot worried you." It wasn't a guess nor a question. Lidanya could read the fading traces of Irissa's previous expression easily.

"Considering you were going to have a possibly confrontational conversation with your bondmate, the last thing I wanted to hear was a gunshot."

"You didn't really think I would do that, did you?" Placing the now collapsed rifle down on a table nearby, Lidanya sat down carefully in a chair nearest it and Irissa joined her after a pause.

"I didn't want to."

"That's not a "no"."

"It was in the back of my mind." Reluctantly admitting this, Irissa eyed the rifle. "Some habits never change, do they? You used to go for targeting practice to ease the tension after a long day of training or putting younger commandos through their paces."

"Still works." Pulling a cleaning brush from the same bin she retrieved the targeting stones, Lidanya expanded the rifle and flicked the safety back on. She then proceeded to clean the extended heavy barrel. "If you don't ease up, you won't hi anything. Muscles will lock up and leave you with a shoulder pain you'll never forget."

"I believe I remember that happening a few times with you."

"After a long day of intense biotic training, yes." Replacing the barrel and collapsing the rifle again, Lidanya finished her thought. "Got one hell of a shoulder massage that night too, if I remember correctly."

"Of course you would remember that." Seeing the commando stand and pick up the rifle again, Irissa eyed her curiously. "Done reminiscing already?"

"Not a chance. Just going to check on the girls and lock this thing back up." Making a quick stop into the study, Lidanya replaced the rifle as well as the spare thermal clips and cleaning tools and locked the vault again. Exiting, she saw her next objective; two pairs of eyes were on her from the top of the stairs. "Come down for a minute. I've got news from your mother." Her tone was pleasant, or at least she hoped it was.

"What were you doing with that rifle?" Selyna voiced the question with genuine curiosity. "Haven't seen you fire a gun around here in decades."

"I do it to ease tension. Way I used to wind down after a long day years ago." Motioning for the two to follow her back outside, Lidanya adjusted the light to a dim setting so that they could at least see one another with her omni tool. Once the two had sat down near where she had been, the commando relayed some of what had happened over the vid comm. "Your mother and I talked. She said that things at work had gotten to her and she blew it all off on me earlier. She said we had some things that needed handling and that we'd do that soon."

"How? When she comes home in two weeks?" Alestia voiced this question with Selyna nodding with the same question in her eyes.

"Actually, no." Casting an eye over the pair of them, their father clarified. "She's coming home early; be here at the beginning of next week."

"She's coming home early?" Both seemed somewhat excited by the news but that was marred by a slight worried expression on their faces.

"Yes. She seems to want to work things out, so we'll see how that goes." Deciding to mention part of the rest of Alana's words, Lidanya continued. "You know that you two are her whole world. What's going on between us has nothing to do with you. It's just miscommunication or lack there of between us."

"So you two are going to try to work it out?" Selyna's words held a tentative pause between them as she worked on the last part of her thought. "What if it doesn't?"

"I'm not sure." It was an honest response. From what it sounded like, Alana didn't want that to happen at all, so neither had thought that far ahead. It got Lidanya thinking though; even with them being forty years old, these two were still her little girls in this matter. "I do know that neither of us will expect you two to choose sides. It's something that shouldn't be asked of anyone."

"This is just too weird…" Alestia voiced the thought that occupied her and her sister's mind. "Never thought we'd see this between you two."

"No one ever does." Knowing just what that comment meant, Lidanya gave Irissa a knowing look before speaking next.

"What I do know is that you two have a long day tomorrow. Your mother would kill me if she knew I was letting you stay up late like this."

"Yeah she would." Selyna stood; the traces of a smile returning to her lips. "She'd give you a lecture."

"So spare me and go to bed." Feeling the edges of her lips upturn again, Lidanya rose and pulled the two close as they made to walk by. "Somehow, things will work out. Don't think about it." Feeling two pairs of arms wrap around her, she finished her thought. "She's looking forward to spending as much time with you two before we leave, so get all or most of your studies out of the way before she gets here."

"No promises." Alestia said this as they both pulled away from their father. "You know I'm looking into engineering courses next fall, so I've got a lot of studying to do."

"Not following in your footsteps, are they, Lidanya?" Irissa smirked as she thought about it. "Dealing with engineering was one of your least favorite rounds shipside."

"Those rotations drove me mad." Nodding in agreement, Lidanya elaborated. "No, she's taking after her mother in the engineering field. Alana could tear a frigate apart and probably tell you how to rebuild it if she didn't do it herself."

"Then we'll have loads to talk about when she gets back." Alestia grinned at the look Selyna gave her. "What's wrong, Sis? Bored already?"

"Please… Practically snoring over here." Selyna's remark had them all laughing. It was clear who took after their father.

"Good night, you two." Waving them off as they repeated it back to her, Lidanya listened for the sound of them heading upstairs before she let the amusement fade from her expression.

"Something is bothering you about this seemingly good news." Irissa's statement wasn't surprising. She had seen this coming since finding the commando with a rifle. "What else did she say?"

"It isn't really what she said…" Stepping into the nearby kitchen, Lidanya put on a pot of spiced tea and assumed her previous position. "It's how she said it and what she didn't say that worries me." Relaying the entire conversation, Lidanya voiced her thought. "I don't know what she meant by that."

"Things she needs to get in order…" Frowning at the statement herself, Irissa could appreciate Lidanya's uncertainty. "It sounds final but ambiguous."

"Exactly." Rising to retrieve the tea, Lidanya returned with two steaming mugs. "What does she have to get in order… and why?"

"Sounds to me as if that is something she should discuss when she returns."

"I don't like it." Admitting this bluntly, Lidanya took a long sip of tea, not even flinching at the temperature. "It's too final… You don't think she would say she wants to work it out and then just break it off…"

"No." Inhaling the scent of cinnamon and ginger deeply, Irissa continued. "She's too committed for that. She said she's afraid of losing you. Does that sound like someone who would just sever all ties?"

"No… It sounds like there's something wrong that I don't know yet."

"Follow your own advice. Don't think on it for now. Let her get home first." Sipping tea idly for a moment, Irissa spoke again. "Then, when all is settled, she will probably elaborate."

"Let's hope so." Leaning back, Lidanya rested her head against the sun-warmed headrest of her chair. "You always did know how to set me straight."

"I can't say I made a career of it, but I came damned close."

"Yeah you did… In more ways than one."

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Laughing softly, Irissa's tone took on a more serious note. "Besides, your time in the navy did most of the work."

"Bull." Giving the other asari a sideways look, Lidanya spoke more seriously. "The Asari navy was just a way to get out of there. Who was there the whole time, keeping my head on straight?"

"Fine, I will take credit for that."

"Long afternoons doing whatever I had to to avoid an argument with them…" Musing on that for a moment, the commando grimaced. "Didn't always work."

"No. I remember a particularly violent run in with your father that left him getting knocked down a peg," Irissa took a longer sip of her tea now that it was manageable. "But it left you with that scar." She indicated a long and rough looking patch of skin on the left side of Lidanya's head.

"Yeah. I'm lucky I remember anything after that."

"You're lucky you managed to dodge his charge."

"That too." As she rubbed the scarred flesh absentmindedly, the commando's dark eyes focused on a few stars above for a moment. "Never really had a good view of Krogan as a people because of him."

"Well, your mother was really no help. She spent most of her time agreeing with him, rather than stopping him."

"I used to wonder if they really ever wanted children."

"They wanted at least one to kick around." Irissa's remark was met with a slight huff from her former lover.

"Thanks a lot."

"It is the truth. That was all anyone heard; that they got one bad kid. Why should they try for another?"

"Funny thing, that bad kid theory." Frowning as her gaze returned to Irissa, Lidanya finished her thought. "Their attitude doesn't come as much of a surprise, honestly."

"What pulled them together, anyway?"

"From what I remember, she said they met in a bar and got smashed. Next thing she knew, they were together and I happened."

"She told you that, did she?" Irissa wasn't surprised at the idea. A few krogan had been with asari after the rebellions were over and done. It was the only real way krogan could be guaranteed to have children, after all. Still, that shouldn't have been as shocking as it was. "That conversation just happened?"

"Oh no. She made sure to make it more colorful."

"By what, using more impressive words?"

"By shouting at me when I was around fifteen, saying that I was a mistake."

"Perhaps, to her, you were."

"Because of that, I was just angry growing up." Rising from where she had been sitting, the commando's biotics flared momentarily. "Spent years just keeping a barely contained temper in check. First year in the navy I let it go."

"I never really noticed." Irissa remained where she was. "I knew there were some days where it looked as if you wanted to strangle someone, though."

"I hid it well; kept it down because it was directed at them."

"I am surprised you got top marks in biotic precision then. Typically, rage will cause them to be unstable."

"Oh they were at one point." There was a slight bitterness in the commando's tone as she went on. "I got knocked back against a wall several times when the field collapsed and I lost control…" Her expression darkened again as she admitted that. "Feel like that's happening now."

"Losing control?"

"Yeah. I look at this situation and realize that she has the reigns on this one. Not to say that I would rather have the upper hand." Clarifying that quickly, Lidanya went on. "It's just that this will make or break this relationship, and I've seen how she can drastically change her mind."

"I know the feeling. You are on unstable ground."

"Well, tonight could have been worse. She could have just said she was done and left it at that, or I could have lost my temper and said the same thing."

"She would be a fool to let you go." Irissa rose and joined the commando before finishing her thought. "Judging by what she said tonight, she knows that."

"She'd be a fool, hmm?"

"No one would know better than I."

"Still can't figure that out." When she turned to face the politician again, there was a slightly puzzled expression on Lidanya's face. "It's been in the back of my mind all night; why did we break it off?

"I always assumed it was our careers or…" She paused to think about it, but it didn't take Irissa long to raise her hands in a defeated gesture. "Hell, who am I kidding? I haven't the slightest."

"Which makes this whole situation more difficult."

"How so?"

"This may sound terrible, and I'm thankful they've headed up to bed." Clearly referring to her daughters, the commando continued. "On one hand, I want it to work out between Alana and I, but…"

"But on the other, you want it to end."

"I'm tired of the guesswork; tired of feeling like I'm on broken glass when around her."

"She wants to work it out, and so do you."

"Right." Eyes narrowed slightly, Lidanya turned to look up into the darkening sky. "How long will that last? She's said it before."

"Only time will tell."

"Time's running out." Looking back, Lidanya couldn't suppress the hardened expression she wore for a moment. It was a side of her that she had never let her daughters see. Anger, frustration, and contempt were emotions she had grown up with and didn't want that to repeat with the two young asari upstairs. "Truth of the matter is: the harder it got between Alana and I, the more I started thinking about us."

"That is history." This time, Irissa had a slightly more firm tone, but it didn't last with the commando's next question.

"Are you sure about that?" The slightly rough edge to the other woman's voice as she posed this question left Irissa frowning slightly. The brief encounter they had a short while ago came back, and so too did the emotions stemming from it.

_"__I can't walk away from you again."_

_"__Who said you had to?"_

A simple admission and a response in the heat of the moment perhaps, but they were at the forefront of her mind right now. Were they just empty words or was it a truth she didn't want to allow? Admittedly, there was still a strong pull toward the commando before her. Was it worth Lidanya ending a two-century relationship with collateral damage? No… It couldn't be. Finally snapping out of her thoughts, Irissa gave an answer.

"It should be…"

"Not an option." The straight-forward tone wasn't something Lidanya expected, but it seemed to be effective. "Either you're sure of it or you aren't."

"It isn't." In an almost frustrated tone, Irissa's blue eyes turned icy. "Hell, I can't even look at you and not think about it." Shaking her head in defeat, she spoke in a softer tone. "It is why I kept my distance all these years… Why I should leave now. We both know what will happen if I stay much longer."

"Good to know I'm not the only one." Stepping closer, the commando could feel her own muscles relaxing slightly at this news. There had been times when the two had seen one another out, but they had avoided any contact. True, Irissa had been around while the girls grew up, but there were just those days where it would have been hazardous to Lidanya and Alana's relationship had they lingered on the past too long. Now was definitely one of them. Hand finding its way to Irissa's upper arm, she could have sworn she saw a slight chill sweep over the other asari in response. "I don't want to drag you into the middle of this. If it's best, then I understand."

"It is for the best, given the circumstances." Lingering for a moment longer, Irussa made to turn away.

"Thanks for everything. I'll make sure to forget I saw that datapad." Her hand moved over the fluid material of Irissa's sleeve as she turned away, but as their hands met, Lidanya spoke without thinking. "It won't be easy… watching you leave again."

The hand that was slowly pulling away tightened suddenly, and in one swift move, Irissa pulled the commando close in an impulsive and claiming kiss before pulling away completely; leaving her speechless.

"It never will be."


	4. Return

**A Jagged Whole: Imperfect Shards  
**_Chapter Four: Return_

**A/N:** So, I've been thinking on this one for a few days and this was the result. May seem odd but there is a reason for the way this turned out. You'll find out soon enough ;) On another note, thank you, RheasHelm for that message. I'll be rectifying that soon. That's what I get for typing on an iPhone, yeah? Thanks to all who follow and for the reviews. It keeps this pet project going. Enjoy!

* * *

For the next two days, the house was near empty. Selyna and Alestia had left for Armali and weren't due back until a day later. Lidanya had spent that time combing over the place and making sure it was still in order. There weren't 'any things to really straighten up. She spent her days in the office and out in Serrice at one of the training facilities there while the girls went to school and spent time in the city when they had a chance.

Having finished her home inspection, the commando found herself outside looking out over the yard. Still green, she could see the grass slowly getting a golden hue to it as it started to go dormant for the winter. Some trees were shedding their lush leaves and branches were reaching out to cling to any drifters as they floated by. One of the only things that still had its color and would grow more vivid as the cooler weather progressed caught her eye again. It was the dwarf weeping tree that Irissa had been watching two evenings ago. Crossing to it and finally sitting down for the first time in three hours, Lidanya let her mind wander.

She hadn't thought of the other woman since she had left that night. It had been for the best, honestly, but still… Over the years, Irissa had always been a ghost of a thought at the back of her mind. Lidanya didn't want to admit that, but it was the truth. Even in the happiest years with Alana, she was still there. Alana had gone so far to say that Irissa was the one that her bondmate could never truly let go of, and she was right.

Meeting at the early age of ten, they had been inseparable since. Growing up with a krogan and a commando as parents was different to say the least; he had been in a seemingly constant blood rage about something, and she never seemed to give a damn about anything. Lidanya had learned from an early age to walk it off and leave them to their brooding. Irissa's family was a polar opposite. Her father was a batarian who had left Khar'Shan to find a better and less demanding life and her mother was an asari scientist that specialized in marine biology. They were both wonderful people. Lidanya had spent a great deal of time with that family over the years. She had gone to Irissa's father's funeral more than three centuries ago. She still saw his bondmate from time to time, and they would talk a few times a year.

It was hard to say when things changed from a close friendship to something more with Irissa. They had gone through physical fights with Lidanya's father, the loss of Irissa's, and many other things that could have easily pushed the two to the brink of falling apart. Commando training didn't help matters for either of them. That brought out one's rage and the other's contempt. At the end of the day however, they had found an odd peace and comfort in each other. Long evenings spent talking, joking, and blowing off steam had turned into evenings of passion and an unspoken promise of forever. In the end, what had brought them closer had been their undoing.

With her working closer with the navy and Irissa being lead down a political path, the two would barely see one another, and eventually what they had was extinguished by political and naval policy. That was when Lidanya had met Alana. It was on a late run to one of the colonies that were further out toward the Terminus. One commander and a lieutenant who had been forced to make hard choices when rockets were fired from Lucia by Krogan extremists were left to keep krogan from overtaking the temporarily downed ship until it could be repaired and leave orbit with the colony's survivors. Even after that mission, the two were simply friends, and it turned out that Irissa had known her for a while as well.

Things changed eventually, and it had felt like Lidanya was losing part of herself when she and Irissa acknowledged that what they had was nowhere near what it was. Still, they moved on, and here she was; bonded with Alana and with two headstrong daughters. It wasn't regretted at all, but there were those subtle reminders of what could have been like now with that tree. She and Irissa had spent a week's worth of leave up in the mountains where the full-scale trees were in full bloom. On cold nights, she could still feel the fresh powdered snow that had surrounded them

Unfortunately, cool evenings like this had a way of bringing back not so fond memories as well. Seeing the sun starting to hide behind reddish purple clouds, it cast dark shadows over the open skies and the land beneath it. It was on a night like this when her last fight with her bondmate had occurred.

Alana had returned home within the last week and a half. She had been here to retrieve some documentation of past medical records that the orbital station should have had on file. What had started off as a pleasant surprise changed into a confrontation. They had made small talk while she was looking for the datapad that contained what she was looking for, but when Alana had retrieved what had appeared to be medical records, things had gone from awkward to worse.

* * *

_"__Looks like something they would have kept track of, doesn't it?"_ It had been an innocent enough question in regard to the medical records Alana was browsing through. _"Didn't they do a full workup when you got back from that run with the Serrice Guard?"_

_"__They did." _Sounding somewhat distracted as she searched through the file Alana hadn't really seen her bondmate's slightly curious expression. _"There's just something in here that they don't have and I was comparing the two results to see what it was. So far, I'm seeing nothing…"_

_"__What are you looking for?"_ Having looked over her shoulder, Lidanya saw full body scans that corresponded perfectly, but there _was_ something odd. Looking over the scans of the head, she spotted it. _"There. Looks like an anomaly."_ It was near the crown of the head on the left side.

_"__How did I miss that…"_ Looking over the area specifically, Alana saw it, but the results were mixed. It wasn't clear what this anomaly was.

_"__Easily missed, seeing as they really didn't mark it." _ Whether it was the right comment or not, that was never clear. Alana's expression had darkened.

_"I should have seen this. Hell, I spent ten minutes staring at these charts... How did you see it so quickly?"_

_"I didn't at first." _Keeping her answers simple, Lidanya hadn't seen the frustration building. _"Only reason I spotted it was because of that marker right there. Every other one had been accounted for in the report. That one had no label or note. What happened there?"_

_"Don't remember." _That answer had been too short. _"Must be what they're looking for... Final nail in the coffin'"_

_"What are you talking about?" _Knowing the mission that the Serrice Guard had returned from, Lidanya had thought that the last thing high command would do was bury this and attempt to sink its surviving commandos. _"Serrice Guard have become celebrities since that op. They wouldn't just drop you."_

_"How can you be so sure? They're looking for any reason to dissect that op and discredit us-"_

_"Remember what they said about paranoia, Alana-"_

_"I am not being paranoid. You're not the one they are trying to discredit! Your career and reputation aren't at stake-"_

_"Neither are yours." _Trying to keep a level tone was an effort as Lidanya cut her bondmate off. The doctors had warned that paranoia would be a side effect of the meds Alana was on, and that wild and almost feral look was already in her eyes. _"Think about what you're saying for a moment. It makes no sense. I could see them burying it if it was their fault you were attacked, but-"_

_"You could understand, huh?" _Clearly, that had been the absolute wrong thing to say therre. Alana backed away with what looked like a betrayed expression. _"How do you justify them turning on their own!"_

_"Did I say I thought it was justified? I think I said I could see them trying to cover it up, had it happened that way. That does not mean that I support the idea." _Raising her voice slightly, Lidanya had seen nothing indicating that her qords had any positive impact. Instead, Alana 's frown deepened.

_"Oh I know what you meant."_

_"No you don't'"_ Before Alana could argue, her bondmate went on in a more harsh tone than she had meant. _"From the time the Serrice Guard returned, you've only half heard almost everything I've said. Each time something like this starts, you do this; blowing things way out of proportion. It's a good thing that Selyna and Alestia haven't seen you like this. You really need to talk this out with someone-"_

_"What do you think I'm doing?"_

_"Getting ready to storm out of here like you usually do." _While it wasn't really called for, Lidanya's comment was the truth. That was how it usually ended. _"I probably won't even mention that you came home today. They'll ask too many questions, and frankly, I don't know what to begin to tell them."_ The response she got was nowhere near what she expected.

_"You're trying to turn them against me..." _Alana's biotics flared quickly as she pointed an accusing finger at her bondmate. _"Trying to fill their heads with ideas that I'm losing my mind-"_

_"That's crap and somewhere in your mind, you know that!" _Frustration getting the better of her, Lidanya had snapped right back, but it did little to ease the situation. _"I wouldn't even consider such a thing-"_

_"I won't let you get away with it." _The deadly serious tone Alana used was followed by her using her biotics to pin her bondmate to the nearest wall.

_"Don't make me do this, Alana." _Steadying her breathing and evening her tone, Lidanya had been prepared to use a biotic pulse to free herself. Waiting for the right opportunity, she released a moderate pulse and then was forced to restrain her bondmate when Alana fought against her gentle hold on her arms. Raising her voice to be heard over Alana's protests, Lidanya had lost her temper. _"I'll make this clear: Get some help, work this out, or get your head examined. I'm not letting them come home to see you like this! I won't fight you, but I'm getting damned tired of hitting this barrier every time you come home. Do what you've got to do up there, but don't think about coming back until you get all of this sorted."_

* * *

With that, Alana's expression had changed to one of contempt and she had strode out; returning to the orbital station that evening. They had only spoken after both had cooled down, but Lidanya had been surprised to hear from her at all. Now, lost in thought, she sat out here, looking over the land as it prepared for winter's hostile takeover. She didn't even notice the other skycar that had landed or the slight shadow over her shoulder. Feeling a pair of hands rest on her shoulders, she jumped slightly and turned her head sharply to see who was there. Unfortunately, it did no good, so she settled for looking up.

"You should get those implants checked. Those are supposed to be the best optics available. I've been here for ten minutes."

"Alana?" Moving to stand, she felt a gentle pressure on her shoulder. Alana leaned down, kissed her bondmate, and rounded the small table nearest to take the seat beside her. "I didn't expect you until the weekend…."

"I finished up all of that paperwork and last minute preparations for the upcoming deployment. Managed to get clearance to leave early and came home." Looking around, Alana noticed that the skycar that was usually parked nearest the house was gone. "Where are the girls?"

"They're in Armali for a few days. I think they were looking at the university there."

"Can you believe it…" Leaning back on the stone bench, Alana looked up into the blue-purple sky. "Seems like it was just a few moments ago that they were just crawling around here and wanting to get into everything they shouldn't… Now, they're looking into universities."

"I know… Much more talk like this and I'll start to feel old…" Watching her bondmate's movements, Lidanya saw a long surgical scar on the side of her crest. "Speaking of old… How old is that scar?"

"Relatively new, actually." Eyes returning to the other asari, Alana's expression turned a bit more serious. "It's actually why I got the clearance to go home early." Running teal fingertips over it gently, she elaborated. "I'm thankful I got here before they did, because this was an issue we would have to address before I even considered telling them. You'll remember that anomaly that you saw on the medical scans last time I was here."

"Yeah." It was fresh on her mind, but she didn't say it. "Did they ever find out what that was?"

"They did." Leaning forward, Alana clasped her hands together and looked to be in thought for a moment. "Before I explain that, I want to apologize for losing it the last time I was here…"

"It's alright-"

"No, it isn't." Turning her head, Alana gave her bondmate a level stare. "I was out of my head. Hell, I was ready to attack you." Jaw working as she attempted to find the right words, Alana swallowed hard. "My head's been killing me since I got back from that last run with the Guard. They just assumed it was due to inflammation at first…"

"Hold on." Stopping her there, Lidanya couldn't hold back the anger in her tone. "You were in pain the whole time and didn't say anything?" That had struck a nerve. They used to have no secrets between them.

"I thought I could handle it; thought it would just stop after so long." She spoke in a more defensive tone, but Alana kept her voice even for the most part. "They did a few tests and nothing was conclusive. They had me on medication that suppressed it for the most part."

"So how much pain were you really in when you were here over the last year?"

"Mild to moderate, most days." Answering truthfully wouldn't ease the situation, but it was what she had to do. Alana's sky blue eyes, which were normally intense or focused on something were relaxed but open. The concern she saw in her bondmate's features was something she hadn't expected to see. Perhaps the better way of describing that was that was something she didn't think she deserved. Compassion was meant for those who earned it or gave it in return; not for those who lashed out at those they loved. "This last time, they wanted to explore that anomaly further. Doctors wanted to inject a probe and see it in full detail. They did it the day after I came back here looking for those medical scans."

"I assume that is why you were so frustrated." It explained a lot. Alana had always hated doctors. She'd had a phobia of them for as long as Lidanya had known her. The thought of going for a probe launch in her head was something she would never picture Alana going for.

"It was no excuse for how I reacted." Stating that first, Alana could see the wave of dismissal coming and countered it. "I know why I said and did what I did now, though… I went in thinking that there would be nothing there for them to find; just an existing shadow from the injuries I sustained while planetside with the Blood Pack. I almost had mysef convinced that they wouldn't find anything and that I was fine."

"They found something." Stating this calmly, Lidanya hoped to ease the slight hysteria that had taken shape in Alana's tone. By the way Alana nodded in response, it looked like it would be bad news.

"I woke after they removed the probe and examined its findings." Alana's tone was flat as she recalled the experience. "I sat up and watched as a doctor spoke with my supervisor in a low voice outside. I could see them turning their heads and looking in on me intermittently throughout the conversation. Supervisor nodded one more time, and the doctor came back in. She said that they drained off all that they could, but they couldn't stop it completely." Releasing a shaky breath, Alana finished her explanation. "It's an intercranial bleed."

"You said they can't stop it completely…" The hesitation was a dead give-away and Lidanya knew it. Sitting there, she had focused on Alana since she had arrived, but now she found it hard. Trying to work out the meaning of what her bondmate was saying, Lidanya struggled with her next words. "What… What exactly does that mean?"

"Every time they tried to seal it off, the tissue became more inflamed and would have done more damage if they continued." Trying to remain passive as she spoke, Alana was failing miserably; Her jaw worked to keep a straight face, but every now and again it would tremble. Her breathing hitched as she spoke again. "They said that while it was slowed, it wouldn't stop. Pressure will eventually reach c-critical levels."

"Alana, what are you saying?" Voice cracking slightly with the unnecessary question, Lidanya was afraid of the answer. Her mind was dragging as if it were a person wading through cement as it wrapped around just what her bondmate's meaning was.

"I'm saying I don't have a month left." There it was, the reason she had despised doctors and healthcare facilities in general. All of her life, she had known she was in good physical and mental shape, but all of that had crumbled within a few minutes. She had stood there, gripping the edge of a table while that doctor had told her she had four weeks to get her affairs in order. They gave her a month and a half as a long-term or more positive outlook, but it was still too short a time.

"This can't be happening." Lidanya averted her gaze as she took in a few uneven breaths. They had just talked a few days ago about working it out… Then the line she hadn't figured out came back full force. Alana had mentioned getting some things in order before this deployment… She could feel her stomach twisting into a knot as she forced herself to meet herbondmate's blue eyes again. Opening her mouth to speak again, she felt like there was nothing she could say at this point.

"I wish it wasn't." Moving closer, Alana took both of her bondmate's shaking hands into her own. "I keep thinking that I'll get a call any moment and someone is going to say it was a cruel joke…" Admitting this aloud wasn't something she had planned on doing. It just came out. "I know it won't happen… That if I keep waiting on it, I'll waste what time I have by getting deeper into denial." Her bondmate said nothing in response, leaving Alana to continue in a quieter voice. "I feel like I should say something… anything to make this easier, but I don't think I can find anything that would-"

"I can't leave you like this." After a second of thought, Lidanya spoke just after Alana had finished. This left the other asari to raise a questioning brow.

"What? What do you mean by "leave"?"

"I can't go off on this damned scouting run and leave you here-"

"I'm not staying here." Cutting Lidanya off before she could finish her thought, Alana elaborated. "I said I had some affairs to get in order before this deployment, and I meant it. I'm going to the Veil, even if it kills me…" Stopping momentarily to consider what she said, Alana realized how true that was.

"What? You can't!" The slight desperation grew into near full blown panic as Lidanya looked up sharply. "What if something happens out there? They can't let you do this…"

"They weren't happy about it." Alana's expression softened as she continued speaking, and she couldn't deny the warmth that passed through her from her bondmate's concern. "I pulled strings to keep the deployment as it stood. The truth is, I've done a lot of thinking in the last twenty-six hours. I hardly slept last night at all after the reality of all of this hit me." It was true. She had spent hours in her quarters just thinking it all over and planning on her limited future. "I won't spend my last days here just wasting away. They said if I remained on the current meds, I would lose impulse control more frequently with building pressure, but they offered an experimental treatment that will cut that likelihood down to a third. I opted for that, seeing as I'm going to be leading this op."

"You're what?" This had Lidanya reeling. All of what Alana had just said was still taking an absolute age to sink in. "Where did you…"

"I was sent a message early this morning stating that, in recognition of effort and stubbornness, for lack of a better term, I was going to be the ranking officer on this run. Their only request was that I choose my second wisely in the event that I lost perspective or couldn't make a call with a clear head." Pausing while her bondmate took this in, Alana hesitated on the last bit but put it out there for her to think on. "I told them I would take their concerns into consideration. With that said, I want my second in command to be you."

"That screams conflict of interest to say the least." It was all she could say. Thinking of all of this in a professional sense seemed to boost her brain's processing power. Lidanya didn't like how any of this was sounding, but she was sure Alana had her reasons. Indeed she did.

"I know, and I'm sure they'll grill me on it after all of this is said and done, but I need someone there to keep me in line if needed. Last I checked, no one could do better than present company." The beginnings of a smile graced Alana's lips, and it lightened the mood a bit; for that, she was thankful. "I need someone to watch my back and keep a clear head if things go wrong." Moving one arm around the other asari's shoulders, Alana spoke again. "You know, I think this was one of the reasons I took that second look two centuries ago that led to all of this: I looked at a commando one afternoon and saw a woman that could have commanded the entire Asari Navy if the situation warranted. She was strong, level-headed, knew when to ease off and when to tighten the reigns. In that uniform, she was invincible, or at least I saw her that way. She didn't have medals of distinguished service, but anyone who served with her was ready and willing to do it again without question."

"That double take told you all that?"

"Looking at her then, I thought: Damn…. Disciplined, intelligent, not afraid to let anyone know what she thought, a skilled biotic and a sharp shooter… She can do anything." Tilting her head, Alana let it rest on Lidanya's right shoulder. "Two hundred years later I still see it, and I wonder how you do it."

"I'm not a miracle worker, you know." Letting the serious matter they had been discussing drop for the moment, Lidanya relaxed her posture and wrapped her right arm around Alana's waist; resting her chin atop her bondmate's teal crest.

"You sure?" Alana could feel her bondmate's body shaking with quiet laughter in response. "You've been able to put up with me this entire year…"

"Don't label me a saint just yet." The events of a few days ago went through Lidanya's mind as she said this. All that talk of possibly working things out and she had been on the verge of tossing their relationship out. She could still smell traces of Irissa's perfume on the jacket she had worn that night. It was hanging on the edge of the bench beside her. "There have been times when I've wanted to just walk away."

"You think I don't know that…" Alana remained where she was; eyes closing slowly. "I would think about that a lot after every one of our arguments…" She paused mid-thought for a moment to release a reluctant breath before speaking again. "Sometimes, like after that last disasterous vid call we had, I thought of letting you go."

"When did that cross your mind?" Surprised by this response, Lidanya waited for the answer; admittedly curious.

"After I would cool down. I would walk it off and really start to think." Opening her eyes again, Alana looked up to try to read her bondmate's expression. Whatever she was thinking was hidden beneath a forced passive look. "Why did you stay? I gave you every reason to walk away and bury our relationship when I would go off like that. I want to know what honestly stopped you from leaving."

"I don't know." It was true. She had thought many times about letting everything they had built in the last two centuries go, but Lidanya had no idea why she hadn't. Was it the girls, the sense of giving up on something, or was there something else keeping her here? Really, she had no idea. "I asked myself that several times and still had no answer."

"You had every reason to leave."

"Maybe I did," Tightening her grip slightly, Lidanya finished a thought that had just occurred to her. "But that was also a reason to stay. In the end, I couldn't talk myself into it; I'm not one to walk away from impossible odds."

"Along those lines, there is something I need to know…" It wasn't morbid curiosity that drove her words as Alana prepared herself for the answer to her own upcoming question. "That night Irissa was here, how far did you two go?"

"Do you really want to know?" She already knew the answer, but it was habit that Lidanya asked. Locking eyes with her bondmate again, she went ahead and conceded. "We kissed, and the reason we didn't go further than that was because she broke it off." Greeted with silence, she could only guess what was going through Alana's head.

"Good." Alana felt the other asari's head turn sharply, seeing as she had looked away when answering her previous question. While Lidanya was silent, she finished the thought. "I'm thankful that you two still feel so strongly for one another."

"That was a complete 180 from the other night…" Bluntly put, it was the best way to describe it. Then, Alana had been royally pissed at the thought of them together, but now she seemed to accept it. Lidanya didn't wait for Alana's response. "What happened to change your opinion?"

"At the time, I didn't know what I know now." There was the reminder of the more serious issue. "There are a lot of things I've had to come to terms with over the last day. Knowing that I won't be here much longer is one of them." Raising one hand to silence her bondmate's unspoken protest, Alana went on. "I know you, Lidanya. You'll blame yourself; say that you shouldn't have had a wandering heart through all of this, but in the end that will keep you from falling apart." As silence followed that statement, Alana finished the conversation while shifting to stand and move her possessions from where they sat nearby to the master bedroom. "I know it is still a lot to take in. Just think about what I said. I need to know that when it happens, you'll let me go and move on."

Waiting a second longer before she stood as well, Lidanya moved to assist in getting what was left of Alana's travel bags and proceeded through the open door behind her. When everything had been brought up and Alana had started downstairs again, Lidanya took her arm and held her there a moment.

"I won't let you go."

"You will in time." Kissing her bondmate gently, Alana pulled back. "Now, are you going to hold me hostage or can I go down there and make use of that kitchen you neglected?" Her attempt to lighten the mood was successful; evident by the slight upturn of Lidanya's lips. "I've suffered through military brand swill for long enough."

"I don't know…" Agreeing to let the serious matter drop for a bit, Lidanya went along with it. "Holding you hostage sounds like a good idea."

"Later. I'm starving."


End file.
